God Is Watching...
Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note: "Take only one, God is watching."
Moving through the line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A boy wrote a note: "Take all you want, God is watching the apples."
Where's the Help?
On the first day of school, the kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers."
A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"
Busy on Another Line
A prominent surgeon, who was a member of operating teams at both St. Francis Hospital and Christ Hospital in the Chicago area, would operate in the morning, then field calls about his patients in the evening.
One night, a few dinner guests were shocked as the good doctor was on the phone talking to a resident at Christ Hospital, when the other phone rang.
His wife answered, then whispered to her husband, "It's St. Francis."
He whispered back, "Tell St. Francis I'll have to call back. I'm talking to Christ."
A Matter of Location
Voter: "I wouldn't cast a vote for you if you were St. Peter himself."
Candidate: "If I were St. Peter, you couldn't vote for me even if you wanted to. You wouldn't be in my district."